OzEnuts

Aussie Erin, with a fully rounded personality, holds Dick Smith’s OzEnuts.

World Of Peanut Butter truly is becoming an international sensation. All the way from the opposite side of the globe, courtesy of my lovely friend Erin, comes Dick Smith’s OzEnuts. You might think this sounds like a joke name, but the jar clearly advertises that you can win a trip in Dick’s helicopter! It also boasts that it’s ‘Aussie owned and made’ and that ‘all profits go to charity’… are they making up for something? Let’s see.

Opening the jar is quite an unceremonious affair, nay – quiet. I don’t think this PB has woken up yet, it’s so… still. I stick the knife in

‘Oh… alright mate? What’s goin’ on? You got some toast there?’

It’s a friendly, welcoming atmosphere for the knife and the introduction to the bread is no less socially lubricated, the two entering immediately in to easy, relaxed conversation, cracking jokes and sharing surfaces. Before I know it, it’s done and we’re off. I can hear the PB and the toast laughing still as I make my way from the kitchen and sit down to type, and I feel like this is going to be a good one.

Looking at the jar reveals some concerns though… only 88% peanuts. Way lower than your average British PB – what could that 12% hold? The ingredients are listed (sugar, vegetable oil, salt, and two kinds of stabiliser, as if it will turn in to the Hulk at some point) but none of them seen enough to make up twelve percent?!

The taste is great, but oh so artificial. Buttery (no one ever needs to justify the inclusion of the word ‘butter’ in the description but some brands really do try), smooth and almost…. shallow. I feel like our new Aussie friend is about to run out of conversation unless I take the last bite. All his anecdotes are so… general.

‘I can’t believe Christmas is cold for you guys’,

‘Throw another shrimp on the barbie!’

‘You gotta come down and visit, we’ll go surfing, it’ll be great’,

‘Have you ever met the Queen?’

Any questions about anything more complex or are met with an offer of another beer. Even though we’re not drinking beer right now. I get the feeling Dick Smith’s is glad to jump in to my mouth as a last bite and retreat to the cupboard.

Worryingly, every subsequent return to the cupboard is met with a ‘wheeyyyyy what’s going on man, you wanna have some toast?’ before I quickly shut the door and leave this guy to talk to the other spreads.

Dick Smith’s Ozenuts – who are you? Do you really know? You’re damn tasty but I don’t know if you’ll last in the real world.

Texture – Buttery, Silky, Genial

Saltysweet scale – 8.5

6/10 Henrys