PCD Pinda Kaas (Holland)

 

Pictured: Will with this Dutch wonder.

When I started this blog, I had fairly low hopes for it. But one of the main goals I did hope to achieve was that people would send me peanut butter to review. First Sainsbury’s did it, and now a wonderful reader from North London (also a food blogger – follow him on Twitter @parkavenueguy) has sent me another ‘niche’ PB.

And this one really is niche. From across the sea in Rotterdam comes our first ‘Pinda Kaas’ from a company called PCD. This literally translates as ‘peanut cheese’, because apparently in Holland the word ‘butter’ is only allowed to be used for products than contain actual butter. No such sanctity for cheese though, which is free to give our favourite spread an off-putting name and possibly set world domination back a few years. 

I had no idea if this was crunchy or smooth until I translated ‘Smeuig en Lekker’ as ‘smooth and creamy’. Not usually my choice (I’m a crunchy guy), but after a fine performance by Africa’s Finest, I’m starting to dig it.

Dig it much more easily too, as the knife parts the ways as easily as Moses at the Red Sea. But you might imagine it’s a cold, Scandinavian sea, parted by a Norwegian Moses while on a particularly stormy fishing trip. He woke that morning with a strange feeling, having dreamt of rough seas but waking to find a calm boat and chipper shipmates. After good-morning-grunts, they settled down for their protein-filled nutritious breakfast of Pinda Kaas on toast. The saltiness called to mind multitudinous seas that below swayed them back and forth, pushing the toast unexpectedly on the each sailor’s face, and getting it all around their mouths. 

A short moment of peace descended as the sailors finished their delicious meal, savouring the rich, hearty taste of PCD Pinda Kaas. But it wasn’t all peaceful. Norwegian Moses couldn’t digest his toast so well that morning, not due to rough seas on the outside but more to waves of his dream, thundering in his mind. 

The other sailors had thought this man wasn’t quite normal since they met him. Why is he so moral? Why does he look so tired? Why does he always wear a t-shirt with the slogan ‘Lads On Torah’ on it? Why is he called Norwegian Moses. 

Hour later, the first signs of trouble arose, and the sailors calmed themselves down with a spoonful each of PK to keep them feeling brave. The storm came swiftly, the waves rose ferociously, and Norwegian Moses knew it was his dream coming true. Back and forth, up and down, the boat was flung mercilessly like a ragdoll, with thunder booming overhead and lightning aiding the moon in illuminating the rolling waters. The men scrambled about, tying everything down in an effort not to lose their supplies, or each other. 

Suddenly, our youngest sailor Norwegian Jesus lost hold of a rope, and the huge pile of PCD PK came crashing down, a few jars falling in to the ocean…. then more, and more, before half the supply had fallen overboard! The young lad jumped over without a thought to save them, before Norwegian Moses cried to the heavens… “STOP!!!”

The sea calmed instantly.

Sun shone.

Everything was quiet. 

Norwegian Moses approached the edge of the boat. He looked down at the sea, the jars of PK still sinking peacefully…. and opened his arms. 

The seas parted ways right there in front of them, a sailor fainted, Norwegian Moses kept pushing…. and there, on the dry sea bed, walls of water around him, was Norwegian Jesus, holding a jar in each hand, and smiling. A rope was thrown down, and they hoisted every jar back on board, along with our young hero. 

After their calm journey back to land that night, none of the sailors spoke a word to anyone about what had happened, for fear of appearing mad. But they’d all get together every week over a jar of this lovely, hearty stuff, and would feel lucky to be alive.

Basically, it’s really nice, quite salty and rich. Find it if you can.

 

Salty/sweet scale – 1

Texture – Hearty, Rich, Religiously Experiential. 

8/10 Henrys