Sainsburys

Pictured: My younger sister holding the large jar they had at my parents’ house.

Alright Sainsburys. I accidentally tried your economy range first, so now let’s see if it’s worth spending the extra 72p for your regular range. 

I opened the jar and began to spread. Suddenly I was gripped with the feeling that I had been here before… Recently. It looks like Asda PB! The jar, the design, the colour. Well, I suppose we must be in for a treat then, emulating the PB currently at the top of the leaderboard. 

A little dry on contact with the toast, Sainsburys soon obliged but this was the moment I got a hint of trouble. I took a bite.  

Nice.

I took another. Hello? I knock again. Sainsburys? A lovely house – it feels like home here. There’s a fireplace, bookshelves, a comfortable sofa. But it’s awfully quiet.

‘Sweetness?’ I call in to the empty rooms. ‘Saltiness?’ I shout up the stairs. 

No one is home. Where are they? There’s photos of them on the wall, but no strong taste of them in my mouth. I know they’re here, or at least they used to be, but neither will approach me.

It’s a pleasant atmosphere/texture and maybe I’ll stay a while and relax, I’ll soon get bored. Where are you, Flavour Family? I’ll leave a note. 

Dear Sainsburys, 

I came by and you weren’t here – thanks for leaving the keys under the mat for me, it sure was good to get out of the rain. You’ve a lovely place here. If you want to actually spend some time together do let me know. Maybe I’ll pop in on my way past again, but at the moment, I just need something a bit more exciting. You’re really great, and I promise it’s not you, it’s me.

Love, Henry. 

Is it me? I pull the door shut and I hear the creak of the hinges echo around the house. Maybe it’s because I’m still hungover, but I feel like nobody’s home.

Saltysweet scale – 4

Texture: Silky, neutral, comfortable 

6/10 Henrys 

£1.34 for a 340g jar (£0.39 per 100g)